3 Ways to Take Those
All-Important First Steps in Your New Life After
By Susie and Otto Collins
"I feel so unsure of myself!" Kathy tells her
Her divorce is not quite yet finalized, but Kathy
has moved out of
the home she shared with her husband for over 15
She is happy
to begin decorating her own apartment, but some of
decisions she's making right now are terrifying.
It all feels so strange and new to Kathy. She has
independent and certain of herself... until now.
All of these new experiences and choices that Kathy
encountering are wonderful after years of emotional
pain due to
distance, conflict and infidelity in her marriage.
This is also very
foreign territory for her. She has so many questions
second-guessing herself about what to do next.
You may be overjoyed that your divorce is either in
finalized. Or, you could be sad and grieving for
your marriage that
It's possible that you feel a mixture of
vacillates or is somewhere in between these.
Regardless of how you are feeling, what's true is
that you are now
on your own. Your marriage has ended and you are
embarking on a new
It can be as new or as similar (within reason) to
your old life as
you make it. Some people make a completely fresh
start by moving to a
new home or even a new city.
Others decide to keep
what they can
about their previous lives the same as they adjust
to being single
A lot of this is up to you and what you prefer.
No matter what kind of first steps you are taking in
your new, post-married life, you probably want to be moving toward
the future you
desire for yourself.
Here are 3 ways to support yourself as you take
those first steps...
#1: Stop living in the past.
If there's one thing that will drag you down and
movement ahead in this new life, it's living in the
You might share children with your ex, you could be
living in the
house you shared with him or her or you may be
reminded of your ended marriage.
This happens and
unwise (and virtually impossible) to pretend that
you were never
Be patient and gentle with yourself, but start to
let go of your
Stop relying on your ex to fix the plumbing in the
house or to do
your taxes. Remove photos of you and your ex from
the walls of your
house, re-decorate or re-arrange rooms that you two
spend less time pouring over memories of the past.
There is nothing wrong with memories and of honoring
what you and
your ex shared, just don't allow the past to devour
your present and
keep you from the future you want.
#2: Acknowledge your feelings and where you are.
It's essential for you to be honest about how you
are feeling and
where you are right now. If you feel more vulnerable
unsure about yourself or however you are feeling, be
sure to let
yourself feel that.
Take stock of what needs to be done and the support
you're going to
need to be able to do that in an equally honest way.
Reach out for
help and acquire the skills necessary to keep your
home, family and
life running the way you want it to.
This is not a time for pride, ego or to try to prove
(including yourself) that you can "do it all."
transition to a
new life will be easier, smoother and more
successful if you open up
to available resources and support from others.
#3: Stay clear and excited about where you're going.
At the same time that you are taking stock of where
you are and what
you're feeling, be sure that you're also creating
space in your time
and mind for the future.
If, for example, you're in a tiny apartment with a
very tight budget
right now, let yourself dream about the kind of home
abundance that you want.
You don't have to have all
of the answers
for how you're going to get from here to where you
want to be.
Stay clear and excited about what you want and stay
possibilities that can take you there.
Some people find it a fun and powerful exercise to
create a vision
board. You can use a sheet of poster board or a
bulletin board-- it
doesn't have to be fancy.
Cover the surface of this
words, drawings or magazine cut-out images of what
you want to
manifest for your future.
Be specific and focus in on what you DO want instead
of what you
Above all, make sure that as you create
board you feel a sense of eagerness and positive
emotion about what
is potentially ahead for you.
Place your vision board somewhere you will see it
it as a tool to boost your mood and to keep you
focused on your
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