by Susie and Otto Collins
We've all had
relationships or
marriages that
have ended.
Whether ending
this
relationship was
your idea, your
partner's or a
mutual
agreement, the
fact is that
most of us still
carry wounds and
unhealed parts
of ourselves
that keep us
from truly
opening our
hearts to the
people most
important to us
in our lives
right now.
As relationship
coaches, we've
discovered that
unresolved pain
and issues from
past
relationship
breakups and
divorces can
certainly cause
problems in your
current
marriage.
The problem that this creates for us in our current relationships and lives lies within this very important question...
The question is:
"How can we have the best relationships possible and open ourselves completely to love if there are still parts of us that need some healing from these past relationships?"
Our answer
is--You can't
but there are
some things you
can do to heal
from those past
relationships.
But let's back up a little and ask this question...
What sort of pain is showing up in your current marriage that could be happening or influenced by what happened in previous relationships that didn't work out?
This pain can come in my different forms and here are just a few examples...
1. You find yourself jealous for no apparent reason and your current spouse hasn't done anything to deserve it.
2. You find yourself really angry and lashing out at other people and those other people haven't really said or done anything to deserve it.
3. You find yourself withdrawing from your spouse and you don't know why.
4. You find that you mistrust your spouse in many different ways and you keep a part of yourself separate from them.
These are just a few of the ways that we separate ourselves from our loved ones and we usually don't know why we're doing it. This separation tends to take a toll on a new marriage after awhile and we can find ourselves back in the same position of ending the new relationship--once more starting over without any clue as to what went wrong or how to do it.
To borrow a phrase from Oprah, one thing we know for sure is that if this is a pattern for you, take this opportunity to begin healing from your past relationships that ended. Even if you haven't been in several past relationships but you find that you and your partner seem to keep doing the same thing over and over with the same result--which doesn't feel good to either of you--then looking into healing your past may lead you to a better relationship.
So how do you start?
You start by beginning to recognize your patterns and realize that you can change. If you'd like specific information on how to begin doing this, we've written a free mini-course that we offer that can get you started toward making those changes in your life.
Remember, your marriage can change for the better and we invite you to open your heart to making that happen!
