By Susie and Otto Collins
If you are going through a divorce, separation or a rocky time in your marriage, the pain can be overwhelming.
As much as you might be trying to "stay strong" and get on with your life, it can seem impossible to do.
Whenever you turn around, you are triggered and the sadness, grief, anger and other intense feelings can rise up and literally blot out everything else in your life.
It's kind of like a big ocean wave.
If you've ever been to the ocean and watched when a wave crests and crashes down, there's a lot of power involved. If you were actually in the water in the midst of that wave, you might have been taken under by it.
The sheer force of an ocean wave can be frightening and it can even be dangerous if there is a strong undertow.
When a wave of broken heart pain hits you, it can be scary and potentially dangerous too.
At the moment that the intense emotions arise within you, it may seem to you that they will completely take over your life.
There are cases in which a person's health or well-being is negatively impacted by broken heart pain.
But this doesn't have to happen to you.
You can "ride" the wave of even the most painful emotions that come up for you and move closer and closer to healing and feeling better.
Allow the wave.
One way that many people make broken heart pain even worse is when they try to stuff it down or to fight it.
If you are in the ocean and a big wave comes upon you, fighting that wave is simply not an option. It's nearly impossible to pretend that the wave is not there either.
But, when you allow yourself to float up and over that wave before it crashes down on you, you can more easily navigate potentially turbulent waters.
When a wave of grief or anger arises within you, notice what's going on. If at all possible, create some time and space to be with whatever those emotions bring.
We recommend that you focus most of all on the actual emotions that you are feeling, instead of thoughts that might accompany those emotions.
For example, you might say to yourself, "I feel really sad right now. I also feel fearful about the future."
After that acknowledgment, be gentle with yourself. You might need to cry, let off steam by doing something physically active or hug and caress yourself.
If you become worried that the wave of pain will hurt you or never stop, remind yourself of this ocean wave analogy.
Every single wave in the ocean rises and it also falls. After this, it blends back into the sea-- every time.
Your experience of grief, fear or anger will inevitably do the same.
It will most likely rise and then it will subside... especially if you allow it to move through you.
*If your thoughts and emotions seem too big for you to handle alone, please seek help from a professional counselor or coach.
Stay present and centered.
Another effective strategy for handling those waves of painful broken heart emotion is to learn how to stay present and centered-- even when conditions become stormy.
The Power of Presence Exercise:
Find a comfortable place to sit, with your back straight and feet on the floor. Close your eyes.
Take some breaths and bring that breath into your belly. Slow down and deepen your breathing. When you find thoughts coming into your mind (and they will), simply pull yourself back to focusing on your breathing.
1.The first step is to come into awareness about the chatter in your mind. Don't dwell on your thoughts. Just notice them, pause, breathe and let them go.
2.The second step is to observe what you are feeling about this situation and where you're feeling in your body it seems to be located. Are you sad, mad, glad, alone, or afraid? Breathe into that area.
3.The third step is to allow whatever feeling is there to be there. Embrace the feeling and don't try to make it wrong, change it or work on it.
Just breathe into that feeling and area of your body and just allow the feelings to be there.
4.The fourth step is acceptance. Bring an attitude of compassion and acceptance to whatever feeling that is coming up. This might not be an acceptable feeling for you, but those feelings are there. By
accepting them, you are contacting what's inside you.
5.The fifth step is to feel an active presence-to find guidance in your heart by quieting your mind so that you are able to speak and act from a centered place.
Continue to do this until the feeling has no more power over you in this moment.
If you'd like more advice to help you heal your broken heart, click here for our FREE mini-course.