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3 Steps to a Close and Intimate Connection: Lessons from NASCAR

By Susie and Otto Collins

You may be wondering what your marriage or love relationship could possibly have to do with a bunch of cars racing around a circular track at break neck speeds.

Even if you have no idea what a restrictor plate is, you can still learn from NASCAR how to keep your relationship close and intimately connected. And we're not talking about getting lots of endorsement contracts!

These 3 steps can you help you create and sustain a close and intimate connection with the love in your life. And, believe it or not, the lessons come from observing the NASCAR experience.

1. Tune In to Stay Tuned Up

One thing that you'll see at least once in every NASCAR race is the drivers taking a turn into "pit row" to have their cars refreshed or repaired. 

The pit team is required to make quick decisions about how their car and driver are performing and then carry out the necessary adjustments efficiently. Without this tuning in and adjusting, the car and driver won't be able to perform at their best back on the track.

It might be new tires, a fuel up, or the tightening of particular parts.  It goes without saying that all team members must be tuned into the car and driver to assess and quickly attend to needs.

For your relationship to be and stay close and intimately connected, both members of the "team" (i.e. you and your partner) need to tune into what your relationship requires on all levels. 

This might include your connecting in the bedroom, how you divide up child care or house chores and everything in between. When your connection becomes strained or weakened, acknowledge, talk about and resolve what's going on as quickly as you can.

2.  Teamwork is Key

There are, of course, incidents of mean-spiritedness and rivalries that occur in the NASCAR world-- even among drivers on the same racing team. At the same time, you can also observe many moments of cooperation on the race track.

One strategy used during races is when drivers on the same team tail one another and work together to block out other drivers. 

While only one car and driver win the race, congratulations and appreciation for a race well-run is frequently showered on team members and drivers. Recalling the all-important pit crew, drivers always express their thanks to the pit crew for all of their hard work.

One essential element of a connected partnership is mutual encouragement and support for one another.  This allows the individuals in the love relationship or marriage to enjoy successes. 

The truism "I couldn't have done it without you," is particularly applicable to intimate relationships. The love connection, as well as individual growth, is severely limited when support for one another is weak or lacking.

When appreciation for encouragement and support given is communicated between partners, the connection becomes closer and potentially more intimate.

3.  Recovering from a Wreck or Pile Up

What tends to draw viewers to the tv screen are the wrecks and pile ups that undoubtedly happen during NASCAR races. Nobody wants a driver to be injured and especially not killed.

There is, however, a certain thrill that also occurs for some people to watch engineered-for-safety cars knocking into each other, flipping, and even catching on fire.

It is possible that the excitement comes from witnessing such a horrible spectacle and then seeing the driver emerge unhurt. Sometimes the wrecked car and driver come away from pit row and even get to finish the race!

Conflicts in our love relationships and marriages come up just as inevitably as those NASCAR pile ups. It might be the equivalent of a dented bumper or a "wreck" so intense that you might feel "totaled." 

In the aftermath of conflicts-- no matter how mild or intense-- we usually want to be able to attend to our hurt feelings and get back up and into the relationship as quickly and best we can.  Ignored or denied hurt feelings will ultimately lead to more disconnection.

It is vital that both partners in the marriage or love relationship look at the factors that led to the conflict in the first place.  Reconnecting is possible; but only when each person keeps his or her heart open and listens within as well as to what the other person needs to move on from the conflict.  

These three steps are a start to creating and keeping the connection in your marriage or love relationship intimate and close. We encourage you keep your heart open and enjoy the ride!


Susie and Otto Collins are Relationship Coaches and authors who are passionate about helping people create lives that are filled with more passion, love and connection. For more tips on rekindling passion in your love relationship, visit



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Contact Info
Relationship Coaches Susie and Otto Collins, PO Box 14544, Columbus, OH 43214
Contact Susie or Otto about Relationship Coaching by calling (614) 568-8282.
For all other inquiries, contact us by email.

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