"Marriage
Advice for Creating More Intimacy and Connection In
Relationships"
By Susie and
Otto Collins
It seems that when it
comes to increasing
intimacy and connection
in their relationships, many people
unknowingly leave out one of the biggest
elements.
We'll explain what we
mean...
Since we were releasing
our new dvd on intimacy the other day, we
were searching Amazon.com for other videos
on the subject. The only ones we could find
were the "how to in the bedroom" variety.
While we think the "how
to" is important, we absolutely know that
the juiciness, intimacy, life and connection
in a relationship happens long before you
get to the bedroom.
To explain what we're
talking about., we'll give you an example of
one of our recent intimate moments...
We love to play music
as we start our work day. A couple of days
ago, Otto chose to play a Ray Charles album
and when one particular song came on, Susie
got the beautiful picture in her mind of her
parents, who have both passed, dancing as
they had many years ago.
As Susie imagined this
scene, she had tears of appreciation and
love for them. Otto knew that she was
feeling deep emotion about her parents and
just made eye contact with her,
appreciating, understanding and loving her.
No words were needed
between the two of us. We just enjoyed that
intimate moment of revealing who we are to
each other.
You might say that this
is all well and good that we feel this
intimacy but how about you and your
situation.
We say that anyone can
open to intimacy with another.
If that's the case, how
do you start?
Here are some of our
ideas...
1. Create agreements
that will help you to feel safe opening to
intimacy. One of our agreements is that we
won't "make fun" of each other--that we will
listen with an open heart. We also agree
that we will not "control" or "fix" each
other.
In our example, Susie
felt free to allow the tears to flow in
front of Otto instead of holding them back.
Otto felt free to just "be" with Susie
instead of trying to "fix" the reason for
her tears.
2. Become aware of the
habits that keep you from intimacy. For
instance, one of the worst enemies of
intimacy is the habit of fixing or
controlling, even if it's done out of
"love."
if you're in the habit
of controlling or fixing
(and a lot of us are),
you have to find ways
to unravel your
particular way of doing it.
You may want to agree
to let each other
know when "fixing" or
controlling rears its
ugly head. You may
practice bringing
yourself into this
present moment.
3. Create ways to build
trust between the
two of you. You know
your situation. Ask
yourself, "What would
have to happen to
build more trust
between the two of us?"
"What would I have to
do and what would
the other person have
to do to feel closer?"
Would you need to
"soften" and open, letting go of fears that
you've brought from other relationships?
Would you have to let
go of being right?
Would you need to ask
with an open loving
heart about a partner's
reaction--and then
be open to hearing
what's truly there.
Intimacy is so much
more than bedroom
techniques. It's the
very fabric of the way
we live our lives in
every moment.
How are you choosing to
live yours?
