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Intimacy Advice Article

Marriage Advice for Creating More Intimacy and Connection In Relationships

By Susie and Otto Collins

It seems that when it comes to increasing
intimacy and connection in their relationships, many people unknowingly leave out one of the biggest elements.
We'll explain what we mean...
Since we were releasing our new dvd on intimacy the other day, we were searching for other videos on the subject. The only ones we could find were the "how to in the bedroom" variety.
While we think the "how to" is important,  we absolutely know that the juiciness, intimacy, life and connection in a relationship happens long before you get to the bedroom.
To explain what we're talking about., we'll give you an example of one of our recent intimate moments...
We love to play music as we start our work day. A couple of days ago, Otto chose to play a Ray Charles album and when one particular song came on, Susie got the beautiful picture in her mind of her parents, who have both passed, dancing as they had many years ago.
As Susie imagined this scene, she had tears of appreciation and love for them. Otto knew that she was feeling deep emotion about her parents and just made eye contact with her, appreciating, understanding and loving her.
No words were needed between the two of us. We just enjoyed that intimate moment of revealing who we are to each other.
You might say that this is all well and good that we feel this intimacy but how about you and your situation.
We say that anyone can open to intimacy with another.
If that's the case, how do you start?
Here are some of our ideas...
1. Create agreements that will help you to feel safe opening to intimacy. One of our agreements is that  we won't "make fun" of each other--that we will listen with an open heart. We also agree that we will not "control" or "fix" each other.
In our example, Susie felt free to allow the tears to flow in front of Otto instead of holding them back. Otto felt free to just "be" with Susie instead of trying to "fix" the reason for her tears.
2. Become aware of the habits that keep you from intimacy. For instance, one of the worst enemies of intimacy is the habit of fixing or controlling, even if it's done out of "love."
if you're in the habit of controlling or fixing
(and a lot of us are), you have to find ways
to unravel your particular way of doing it.
You may want to agree to let each other
know when "fixing" or controlling rears its
ugly head. You may practice bringing
yourself into this present moment.
3. Create ways to build trust between the
two of you. You know your situation. Ask
yourself, "What would have to happen to
build more trust between the two of us?"
"What would I have to do and what would
the other person have to do to feel closer?"
Would you need to "soften" and open, letting go of fears that you've brought from other relationships?
Would you have to let go of being right?
Would you need to ask with an open loving
heart about a partner's reaction--and then
be open to hearing what's truly there.
Intimacy is so much more than bedroom
techniques. It's the very fabric of the way
we live our lives in every moment.

How are you choosing to live yours?

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Contact Info
Relationship Coaches Susie and Otto Collins, PO Box 14544, Columbus, OH 43214
Contact Susie or Otto about Relationship Coaching by calling (614) 568-8282.
For all other inquiries, contact us by email.

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