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Love Making Advice Article


3 Cures for Stale Lovemaking


By Susie and Otto Collins

Justin and Andrea have been married for over 20 years. In the midst of many friends whose marriages have broken up from infidelity or other reasons, they are both grateful and proud that their marriage has survived.

Both of them want to keep their marriage healthy, close and passionate.

If there's one thing that Justin and Andrea each feel concerned about, it's the passion...or lack thereof. It almost seems as if they've been together for so long that the passion has dulled and their lovemaking has become stale.

They worry that this will lead one (or both) of them astray. Even if dullness doesn't contribute to one of them having an affair, neither Justin nor Andrea wants to be in a marriage that is boring and spark- less.

They need help. They need a cure for stale lovemaking.

Everybody has heard about the so-called "Honeymoon Phase" of a love relationship or a marriage. This is the period of time which might
include when you are dating and it might span into and beyond your literal honeymoon (those first months of marriage).

The "Honeymooon Phase" of a relationship is generally the time when you and your partner just can't get enough of one another.

For many couples, it's about intimacy and red hot lovemaking, but it's also about the overall sense of excitement that is felt just being together.

Of course, this varies widely depending on the relationship and the couple.

What tends to happen is that there will be more passion, interest and excitement about one another and the relationship in the first months or years... and then the two people will become distracted, busy, pulled in other directions or just comfortable.

The couple falls into habits and patterns which may not be good or bad, but they can start to feel boring. This includes the actual ways that the two make love.

This is when lovemaking can feel stale. Yes, it might be pleasant and you both might reach orgasm, but there is less excitement and anticipation for being intimate with one another in this way.

Does stale lovemaking, by itself, necessarily mean that one (or both) of you will have an affair? No. There are many reasons why people choose to cheat and being bored is usually not the top reason given.

(Hint: Some of top reasons why people have affairs have to do with their own insecurities and their needs that aren't being met in the marriage because of a dynamic that both are jointly responsible for.)

Even if stale lovemaking doesn't automatically mean that your spouse will cheat, it does probably mean that you and your mate are missing out.

You two are not experiencing intimacy and connection at the level of enjoyment that you could be.

Here are 3 cures for stale lovemaking...

#1: Stop blaming and start getting ideas and advice.

When you are unsatisfied with some aspect of your relationship, it's only natural for you to look mostly at what your mate is doing "wrong" or "not enough of" that seems to you to be causing the problem.

This isn't going to help you create a more exciting sex life with your partner!

Our advice to you is to stop blaming and, instead, start looking for some new ideas that will spice things up in the bedroom.

You can be honest with your partner and let him or her know that you'd like to infuse your lovemaking with more excitement. You might even suggest that the two of you, together, start looking for resources with appealing ideas.

You don't have to turn to pornography (unless you choose to and as long as it's okay with both of you). There are plenty of books, websites and videos that have tasteful and respectful lovemaking suggestions.

#2: Find out what's blocking passion.
Stale lovemaking often indicates that there is a block to passion and intimacy either within you, within your mate or between the two of you.

If there is unresolved tension or resentment between you and your spouse, acknowledge it and find a way to clear it up.

If you are grappling with depression or some kind of upset that either pertains to your relationship or to another area of your life, take steps to make positive changes.

It might take time, but even a small improvement can mean an improvement in your sex life with your partner as well.

Getting clear about what's blocking passion might be painful and frustrating, but it's worth it. The more you can free yourself from these blocks, the more you can open up to the kind of satisfying love life with your mate that you desire.

#3: Let your imagination lead you.
Give yourself permission to be imaginative and adventurous. Too many times, one person will worry about his or her spouse's reaction to new ways to be sexually intimate.

"Will my mate laugh at me for trying that?"
"Will I look silly doing that?"
"Am I too old for that?"
"What if that doesn't work?"


Lovemaking is a vulnerable act in and of itself. No matter how long you've been making love with your partner, there can still remain a certain bashfulness or even insecurity.

Be courageous and try it anyway.

You might tell your mate that you would like to try this new, imaginative way to make love and you are feeling a bit shy or nervous about it.

Go slowly and keep communicating with one another as you try this more adventurous way to be sexually intimate with your partner.
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Relationship coaches Susie and Otto Collins, authors of "Red Hot Love Relationships" invite you to visit http://www.RedHotLoveRelationships.com to discover how you can turn up the heat in your love relationship.

 

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Contact Info
Relationship Coaches Susie and Otto Collins, PO Box 14544, Columbus, OH 43214
Contact Susie or Otto about Relationship Coaching by calling (614) 568-8282.
For all other inquiries, contact us by email.

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