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"Money--A
Common Relationship Challenge..."
by Susie and Otto Collins, Relationship Coaches
Benjamin Franklin once said,
"In this world nothing can be said to be certain,
except death and taxes."
We're guessing that If old Ben
Franklin would have been asked about the biggest
challenges in relationships and marriages, like a
lot of you, he probably would have said that money
is one of the biggest "certain" issues that couples
fight and argue about.
We recently received an
interesting question from one of our newsletter
subscribers that is about this very sticky
relationship issue.
Our subscriber writes:
"I would like to hear advice on
relationships that argue about money. We have been
together for two and a half years and I have
problems managing my money and he is fed up with
it."
We absolutely know where this
woman is coming from because the two of us have
struggled with this issue since we got together. Not
only are we married life partners but also business
partners which has compounded the issue!
Like many couples, the two of
us approach money and dealing with money from
totally different perspectives.
While we certainly don't want
to suggest that we have completely resolved this
issue and that it doesn't create challenges for us
from time to time, we have learned some things that
help us to keep our relationship close, connected,
alive and growing, in spite of our vast differences
concerning our approaches to money.
If you have money issues in
your relationship or marriage, here are a few things
that we feel could be helpful to any couple with
this very common relationship challenge...
1. Recognize that opposites
generally attract and that it's no accident that you
might be together with someone who has radically
different ways of dealing with money. Handling
finances is just one area where differences between
two people become very apparent -- and irritating.
Even though it's tough to
realize--these differences help to create the
"spark" between two people, especially if they each
learn to appreciate these differences.
We have the philosophy that we
can learn from everything and everyone in our
lives--either what we want more of or less of. You
can learn quite a lot by the way you each handle
finances differently.
So we recommend that you look
at your differences as an opportunity to grow and
not to separate and disconnect the two of you. Take
the judgment away and don't make each other wrong.
2. Examine how you handle
finances, where you learned your style, and what
your beliefs are about money. What do each of you
value when it comes to money? This is very important
for each of you to do this.
Susie learned her "saving"
style from her parents who grew up during the
Depression. She's always saving for a rainy day or
that unexpected event that may happen.
Otto, on the other hand,
learned to spend as he made money. Otto values
enjoying his money now.
3. Talk and listen to each
other about your differences. It is so important
that you understand one another and not make one
person wrong and one right.
4. Decide what each of you can
and want to do to learn from each other.
To the person who has problems
managing money--What is something that you are
willing to start doing that you can learn from your
partner? Maybe it's something as simple as keeping
your bills in a special place and marking on your
calendar when they are due. Maybe it's getting some
help to create a workable budget. Maybe it's
beginning to change the way you think and your
beliefs about money and finances.
Otto learned how to spend
within what he brought in and to
realistically look at his
situation when he wanted to buy something.
To the person who is irritated
with their partner over the way
money is handled--What
"strokes" are you getting from being
with someone who has
problems handling their money? Are you
getting the satisfaction of
"being right" or superior? Is there
something you can learn
from how your partner handles money?
On the surface, you may say
an emphatic "NO!" but we're inviting you to look
underneath.
Susie found that she was
getting a great deal of satisfaction from being
"superior" about how she handled money verses how
Otto handled money. All this caused was a great deal
of disconnection between the two of us until we
realized that their isn't any "right way."
Only the way that works for the two of you at any
given moment.
When she dug a little deeper,
she discovered that she could learn a lot about
expansion and desire from Otto. When she began to
appreciate that aspect of him, our connection
deepened even more.
Those are some ideas that we
have found to be useful around this topic and if
this is a challenge in your relationship, we invite
you to try out a few of our suggestions.
Believe it or not--money
differences can be a way to come closer together and
not continue to separate the two of you if you will
begin to make some shifts in the way you approach
this issue.
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Relationship coaches Susie and Otto Collins,
authors of "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" and
"No More Jealousy" are experts at helping people get
more of the love they really want. Learn the 5 keys
to a closer, more loving relationship, click below
for your free 5-part mini-course:
http://www.RelationshipGold.com.
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