The
other day we saw words
on a t-shirt that we
thought spoke to a
common problem,
especially sometimes
when it comes to
parenting and your kids.
Here's what the t-shirt
said...
"Almost all the
people who drive me
crazy are in my
family."
If you are now
feeling or if you
have ever felt this
way, here's an
observation that you
might find
interesting...
The people in your
family (including
your kids), your
friends, coworkers
or anyone else you
spend a lot of time
with or may be close
to may drive you
crazy at times
because you are
close enough to them
to see the mirror
when something
upsets you.
When we say "the
mirror," we mean
looking at yourself
to see why you are
triggered about a
situation instead of
outwardly blaming
the other person.
One of the best
"mirrors" we've seen
recently is Susie's
daughter and
son-in-law's Saint
Bernard, Ella.
Ella's a very sweet
dog and is kind and
loving but angrily
barks at some other
dogs when they take
her on walks.
Susie's daughter
made a great
discovery that if
she stays grounded
and centered on
these walks, not
getting upset, Ella
calms down a lot
quicker than if her
anxious energy is
added to the mix.
If Susie's daughter
gets upset and
tightens up, Ella
struggles even more
to get at the other
dog.
Because Ella
"mirrors" Susie's
daughter's upset and
she is choosing to
look inward at those
times instead of
blaming the dog,
she's making some
important changes in
her life and her
relationships.
What can you learn
from the "mirrors"
in your family when
you are triggered?
Whether the upset is
about how your child
didn't act in a way
that you liked or
approved of--or
something your child
did--
we invite you to
look at your upset a
little differently.
Now of course we're
not saying to allow
your child to act in
ways that are
harmful to him or
her or to others. We
are saying to not
only look at your
child's behavior
that triggers you,
but look at yourself
as well.
When you get
triggered, it's more
than likely that one
or more of your
conscious or
unconscious "rules"
for living have been
violated.
You've heard us talk
about rules before
and we all have
them--it's how we
create our lives,
our world and our
relationships.
These rules can,
however, be
troublesome and
separate us from
others or we can
look inward at
ourselves when they
are violated and we
get upset.
When you get
triggered or upset
by something someone
says, does or
something that
"happens," just know
that...
It's an opportunity
to drop your
judgments of others
and discover what
there is for you to
learn from the
situation.
It's an opportunity
for you to discover
why you are
triggered and then
decide if there are
some changes that
you want to make.
It might be that you
need to take a
breath to calm down
and choose your
words before you
talk to your child
about what upsets
you.
It might be that you
can see that you are
being judgmental
when you don't have
all of the
information or know
what's "right" for
him or her.
It might be that you
simply have not been
willing to open to
seeing that there
might be another way
of looking at the
situation.
When you have the
courage to look into
the
"mirror" of the
situation that has
triggered you with
new eyes and an open
heart, you are
opening yourself to
better relationships
and a happier life.
You are opening
yourself to more
love.
So this week, we
invite you to look
at those
who "drive you
crazy"--whether they
be your close family members or others
who are close to
you--and take a
moment to see
another possibility.
See these people,
including your kids,
as the gifts they
truly are and learn
from your
irritation. That
certainly doesn't
mean that you are
"wrong" and the
other person is
"right."
It simply means that
there is much to
learn
about becoming a
happier, more
empowered
person in this
situation and in
your life.
