"Betrayal, Lying and
Cheating--Can You Create Trust in Your
Marriage?"
by Susie and Otto Collins
One of the most-asked
questions that we received during our recent
survey of our newsletter list when we asked the
question-"What's the biggest question you have
about how to create more love, passion and
connection in your relationship and your
life?"-was around the issue of trust.
People wanted to know how
to simply relax, enjoy and trust their partner
without being threatened and insecure.
One person said it this
way...
"How is it possible to
believe in and trust your mate when there is so
much betrayal, lying and cheating in society?
Even when your mate hasn't done anything to
arouse suspicions...most magazines, talk shows
and other people have such awful stories that it
makes people such as myself wonder if being part
of a couple is even a good idea."
This certainly is a good
question and one that many people face whether
they outwardly show their concern or keep it
inside and to themselves.
Our answer is to make a
conscious decision to begin to reframe your
beliefs about what is possible in YOUR life and
what you want for your experience.
From the beginning of time,
there have been unhappy, mistrusting people and
there have been people who have been secure in
themselves and happy with their lives. This is
our choice every day and in every moment.
We can choose to focus on
all the stories (and there are a lot of them) of
break up, despair, cheating, lying and
betrayal-or we can choose to spend our time
focused on more positive things that uplift us.
You may be reading this and
saying that this is easy for us to say but we're
here to tell you that this is one of the most
important things we have done to relax, trust
and enjoy one another.
We focus on what brings us
joy and not on what pulls us down.
If you are focusing on what
is making news and the sensational stories on
television, stop and focus on what brings you
joy in your life. If your partner isn't doing
anything to cause the mistrust or uneasiness
that you feel, it is your opportunity to start
now to change your thoughts and your beliefs
about your life.
If you are mistrusting and
your mate or others are doing nothing to deserve
this mistrust, somewhere within you is a
limiting belief that betrayal is what you will
have for your life experience.
A belief is just a thought
that you've been thinking over and over and can
be changed.
Here's what we do when a
limiting belief comes into our thoughts...
We change it to a thought
that is more in alignment with what we want.
Here's an example...
Let's say that you are with
a group of people and there's a very beautiful
woman or a very handsome man who you just know
that your mate will be attracted to. Your mate
may or may not actually do anything but you just
know that the attraction is there between the
two of them--and that's what you focus on.
At the moment you realize
that you are thinking that thought, breathe and
change your thought to a more empowering one
that you can believe and say it to yourself over
and over. You might tell yourself that you are
okay no matter what happens, that your mate
truly loves you and how much you appreciate
him or her, or even shift
your attention to appreciating the beauty of
this person and find someone interesting to talk
with.
Now we're not going to kid
you--this process takes work and you have to be
aware of the chatter in your head and be willing
to hold the belief that you can change it. But
it does work!
What if you feel that your
mate (or anyone) is actually betraying you?
Don't keep your head in the
sand, so to speak, and decide what you want in
your life and what you are willing to "put up
with." Focus on what you want but state your
boundaries in the relationship. Be willing to
stand by what you want for your life experience.
If you don't, no one else
will.
Whether your mate or anyone
is doing nothing to deserve mistrust or he/she
is--your choice is to begin focusing on
possibilities for your life and what you want.
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