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Relationship Advice: Complement Your Spouse and
Connect
By Susie and Otto Collins
Would you like to be closer to your partner?
Shifting the way you look at your relationship can
help. When you two open up to complementing one
another, your marriage and connection can deepen.
We're not talking about compliments-- the words of
praise and admiration you bestow on another person.
Giving heart-felt compliments can certainly foster
connection as well.
We encourage compliments that are sincere and
uplifting in marriages and love relationships!
What we're suggesting here is to complement your
mate.
To complement is to complete, fill up or make
perfect, according to the dictionary.
When your intention is to complement your spouse,
you are taking a possibly new step toward a richer
and fuller relationship.
John and Andy tend to be very competitive with one
another. They have been married over a decade now
and while they love each other very much, there is
often a sense of opposition between them.
It is as if they are on the same team, yet each one
is vying to out-do the other.
John and Andy tend to be competitive about their
financial earnings. When Andy recently earned a
raise and promotion at work, she couldn't wait to
call John.
Of course, this is a wonderful happening in their
lives and will make it easier for them to support
the lifestyle they've chosen.
But Andy was also aware that the raise put her
earnings slightly above John's salary. If she was
really honest with herself, Andy got a lot of
satisfaction from bettering John in this way.
Most of the time John and Andy's competitiveness is
taken lightly and seems all in “fun.”
When challenges arise or when the competition seeps
into more serious areas of their relationship,
however, they feel at odds with one another and
separate.
Move away from competing and toward complementing
If you notice yourself competing with your spouse on
a regular basis, consider the possible consequences
of this way of interacting.
There's nothing inherently wrong with competition--
even in a love relationship.
But when you predominantly view your mate as more of
an opponent or one to “beat” rather than a partner
in love and life, there is undoubtedly distance
between the two of you.
Andy begins to notice the way she feels compelled to
compete with John. She feels regret that she took
such joy in knowing that she now brings home a
higher paycheck than he does.
Instead of focusing on being able to take that
vacation they've been wanting to take with the extra
income, Andy is disappointed to acknowledge that she
was feeling mostly prideful at besting John in this
way.
When she stops and takes an honest look at the way
competition has infused itself in her marriage, Andy
is alarmed.
She doesn't want to treat John like an opponent! She
would rather feel that they are boosting one another
up and celebrating each other's achievements--
instead of being threatened by and trying to surpass
them.
When you decide to complement your spouse, you have
taken an important first step toward connection.
You have begun to re-think your relationship in a
way that can bring you two closer together.
Appreciate your differences and celebrate your
teamwork
There are many many ways to complement your mate.
Getting into the habit of honoring the wonderful
things your partner does is a great start. You don't
have to constantly offer compliments-- although a
regular dose of them is probably welcome!
Simply take a few moments every day to give thanks
for your mate and revel in the fabulous person
you've
attracted into your life.
No matter how different he or she is from you, there
are bound to be aspects you can find to appreciate.
Be sure to regularly give thanks for yourself as
well. Sometimes a strong competitiveness stems from
a
low self esteem.
If this is the case for you, make it your work to
improve your sense of self-worth.
Feeling good about yourself and proud of who you are
doesn't have to be dependent on your mate “losing”
or being “less than” you.
Every time you come together with your spouse,
notice how it feels.
Do you enjoy the sensation of bolstering one another
and helping make each other even better? If so, make
it your intention to continue this.
Andy begins to appreciate John and all that he
brings to their relationship. Every day, Andy
internally gives thanks for some new aspect she
notices about him.
And many days, Andy gives him a kiss and shares that
appreciation with John.
She likes the way it feels to be more connected with
her husband. And Andy realizes that she can still be
the independent and capable person she is as she
views her husband as a counterpart and not a
competitor.
Often, the key to a more connected relationship is
in your approach and mindset.
These under-the-surface shifts in your own
perceptions and attitude can help you move closer to
your mate.
So be complementary to one another and watch your
marriage thrive!
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Susie and Otto Collins are
Relationship Coaches and authors who help people
create lives that are filled with more passion, love
and connection. For more tips on turning up the heat
in your love relationship, sign up for their free
mini-course at
http://www.RedHotLoveRelationships.com
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