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Marriage Advice for Women: 3 Ways to
Prevent Your Husband from Having
an Affair
By Susie and Otto Collins
Cheryl lives in almost constant fear. You can't hear
it in her
voice or see it on her face, but it's there. She
incessantly worries
that her husband, Rick, will one day have an affair.
Deep down inside, Cheryl is afraid that Rick will
become
dissatisfied with her for some reason and that he'll
leave her for
another woman.
As hard as she tries to hide her
fear, Cheryl finds
herself scrutinizing Rick's actions and words. So
far, she hasn't
been able to find anything suspicious, but she is
just waiting.
If Cheryl sounds like she's paranoid or even crazy,
she's actually
not.
Quite a few women walk around everyday with the
same kind of
fear. In fact, one study shows that around 61% of
women worry that
their partner will cheat at some point-- if he isn't
already having
an affair.
While it may not be all that unusual for a woman (or
a man) to live
with the fear that her man will cheat, it is
certainly not healthy
for any marriage or love relationship.
Those fears can build up and seem to become so huge
that they cloud
your judgment and your ability to respond to
whatever arises between
you and your mate. Distance can form-- or become
even bigger-- as a
result.
And, unfortunately, distance and disconnection are
two things that
do contribute to infidelity occurring.
In the end,
your untended
fears can actually tear your marriage apart and lead
to the very
thing you were worried about all along.
#1: One way to counter your worries and prevent
infidelity is to
stay awake.
Don't become so caught up in your responsibilities,
chores and life
in general that you flip into auto-pilot.
Too many
couples begin to
live virtually separate lives as they just try to
keep up with their
jobs and tend to their home, kids, their bodies,
etc.
Create the time and energy to check in with and
connect with your
man each and every day.
Even if it's just a few
minutes sitting
together and looking into one another's eyes as you
share about a
work meeting you had or a conversation between
yourself and your
sister, make the time for it.
Set aside all distractions and, during that
connecting time, focus
only on what your partner is saying and then open up
and share with
him too.
The great thing about staying awake in your marriage
is that you can
address the "little" irritations and
miscommunications before they
become big and unmanageable.
#2: Another way to prevent an affair-- and ease your
worries too--
is to stop the game playing.
Fear can seem to make you do things that you
wouldn't otherwise do.
If, for example, you frequently worry that your
husband will cheat
(or is cheating), you might be tempted to play games
with him to make
a point, get his attention or to keep him interested
in you.
These games might involve playing "hard to get" or
pretending to be
unavailable when he wants you.
You might purposely
neglect to
answer your cell phone throughout the day to send
him the message
that you "might" be busy with other things.
You
could play coy and
act as if you don't want to have sex with him (even
though you do),
just to make the impression that he has to "work"
for your love.
When you aren't authentic and honest with your man,
it will only
drive him away.
The game playing that sometimes goes on in
marriages-- which might
be initiated with the best of intentions-- only
wreaks havoc with a
couple's connection.
Playing "hard to get" or pretending to be
unavailable (as well as
other games that aren't meant in fun), will cause
uncertainty and
erode trust between you and your man. This is NOT
the way to
cultivate deeper closeness.
Instead, be open and honest about your needs.
If you feel as if you are being taken for granted or
ignored, come
up with some concrete ways that your husband can
express to you his
appreciation or give you his attention and then
request that he do
that.
Additionally, be sure that you are being
appreciative of and
attentive to both yourself and your man.
#3: A third way to release your fears and keep your
marriage healthy
is to talk about the tough stuff.
Communicating-- even about difficult topics-- in
ways that bring you
and your husband closer together is a key to
preventing infidelity.
If you feel triggered, jealous and fearful when your
spouse flirts
with other women, for example, find ways to talk
about it with him.
This doesn't have to be a finger-pointing and
argumentative
conversation either.
Rather than being accusing or critical, you can let
him know how you
feel when he acts in particular ways. Use "I feel"
statements to do
this.
The two of you can then create agreements together
that will help
you build trust and keep you close.
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Relationship coaches Susie and Otto Collins,
authors of
Magic Relationship Words, Relationship Trust
Turnaround and
No More Jealousy are experts at helping people get
more of the love they really want.
Learn the 5 keys
to a closer, more loving relationship, click below
for your free 5-part mini-course:
http://www.RelationshipGold.com.
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