Self-Responsiblity Enhances Relationships |
Relationships Thrive when You have Self-Responsibility
by Madeline Binder
For relationships to work each person must be empowered from within. Relying on another person to
feel good about our self means we give away our ability to think, act and do our self. A relationship weakens when one
person becomes dependent on another for their actions.
The highest level of power we can operate from is when we take full responsibility for our life - the conditions,
experiences and situations that we create. Yes, we create our experiences. Most of the time we don't even know how!
Dwayne Dyer appeared recently on public TV. He told a story about a tribe that gathers in a circle and the "touble"
person who is causing strife amongst the group is placed in the middle of the circle.
Each person around the circle takes turn
telling the the person in the middle a wonderful story that they remember about that person.
I remember when you were 6 months old and you would laugh so hard when we played pick-a-boo. Your laughter
was so contagious that everyone in the family laugh with you.
At six you snuck downstairs and waited for Santa to arrive. You hide behind the curtains. You were
so curious and full of fun. You still are!
The process continues, even it takes all day, until the person in the middle starts to have an ah-ha about his/her
past behavior and moves into a self-loving space.
When I told my daughter this story, she replied, "Mom, what if we all did that for ourselves? We wouldn't
need to rely on people from the outside to be empowered."
I was so taken by her insightfulness, "Why Marla, I never thought of that! How intuitive and insightful.
You just took this to a whole new level for me. I now can live out of a different reality."
At some level we know that we create our reality and that the decisions / beliefs /assumptions we make determine
our life. Yes, we can decide to determine differently. Are you ready to be that
honest and responsible?
If we look back on our lives we can see that it was the decisions that we made that determined the path that we took.
When I got divorced I was so miserable. I was alone and responsible for myself. All I wanted to do
was place blame on my former spouse. Looking back, the divorce cleared
space for me to observe myself. While sitting alone one night a question popped into my brain from somewhere...
What is it about me that put me in this situation?
Then more questions kept on coming as I started to unravel my
circumstance...
What can I do and who must I become so that never happens again?
So I make better choices?
As I peeled away the layers
I realized I had to look at myself, be responsible for myself. There really isn't anyone to blame, including me.
I just needed to accept that all circumstances are part of a human growing, emotionally and spiritually.
Whether you are married, divorced or never been married, in a place of self-responsibility and discovery
your relationships will thrive.
A Thought: When we as a society stop pointing the finger at others, then true self-responsibility will start
to show up for humanity. It only takes a handful of people to start, just as other great people did before us.
Then a movement
toward more honesty, realness and self-responsibility will start resulting in an integration of consciousness that
eventually will overcome all the ignorance in the world... Some of us are already moving quickly in that direction!
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Madeline Binder has Master’s Degrees in both Human Services Counseling and Education.
Her eBook Children and Divorce: Parent Happy Healthy Kids,
takes parents step-by-step in help their children before, during and after a divorce.
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